Why should I have to submit to my husband, anyway, if he is bad with our finances, he doesn’t even pray or read the Bible as much as I do… yadda, yadda, yadda…
I bet these are questions that have probably crossed your mind more than once in the lifetime of your marriage. It’s crossed mine for sure. I think that at one point in our lives, all wives question that principle for various reasons. And maybe, just maybe, one of those reasons is the fact that we have never completely understood what it means to submit to our men.
Biblical submission is a topic of much controversy within the Christian community, and even just world wide. In fact, in one of the homemaking communities that I am part of, this was definitely a hot topic. I won’t get much into the details of the thread because it is a private group, but I will tell you this much. The gibberish in those comments led my to think that most of the people who commented, didn’t have much of an idea of what submission really is.
3 lies about submission
Lie# 1: As a submissive wife, you have to tolerate abuse.
This is a big fat lie. Nowhere in the Bible does it say that as a submissive wife you have to tolerate abuse of any kind. The Bible clearly advises husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church and to not be bitter towards them.
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her.Ephesians 5:25 CSB
Husbands, love your wives and don’t be bitter toward them.Colossians 3:19 CSB
Lie# 2: As a submissive wife, you ought to be voiceless.
Another big fat lie. If we go back a few books of the Bible to Proverbs – the famous Proverbs 31 women was not voiceless at all. In fact, she spoke with love and wisdom. In that same way, we ought to speak to our husbands in love and wisdom in every aspect of our marriage, whether it be when giving opinions or perspectives in decision making, or just having a normal discussion about private marital matters. We are not to be voiceless. We can speak up, but with wisdom and with love!
Her mouth speaks wisdom, and loving instruction is on her tongue.Proverbs 31: 26 csb
Lie# 3: As a submissive wife, you are less than.
Big fat lie, numero tres! Yes, husbands are called to be the heads of their household, but even so, that does not make you any less important in the marriage than him. As head of household, he has a tremendous responsibility to lead his family to Christ in everything. But as wives, we also have a tremendous responsibility to intercede on behalf of our husbands and bring him good every day of his life. You see, both roles in the marriage are extremely important and carry it’s own anointing.
Who can find a wife of noble character? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will not lack anything good. She rewards him with good, not evil, all the days of her life.Proverbs 31:10-12
Now that we’ve debunked those three major lies, I hope you can understand how the world has twisted what God intended to be a reflection of the relationship of Christ with the church through marriage into something completely opposite of what scripture says. But thank God for his Word that will always bring truth into our lives!
What does it mean to submit to my husband?
Submission is not something forced in us, but something we willfully do. It was never intended to show inferiority in any way but to show humility through an attitude of respect to help each other live a peaceful life. As I mentioned before, marriage was meant to portray the relationship between Christ and the church. And because marriage is the reflection of this relationship , ultimately, when we voluntarily submit to our husbands, we are submitting to God himself and that please and honors Him.
You might want to read: 3 Ways to be a God-given Companion to your husband
Practical ways to submit to your husband
#1: Pray for a submissive heart posture
Submission won’t come easy because naturally, we are self-centered beings who don’t like to be under the authority of anyone. I mean, we have to be honest with ourselves if we are going to improve in this area of our marriage. The first step in intentionally submitting to your husband, is to pray. Ask God to give you a submissive and loving heart for your husband.
#2: Pray for God to help him lead
Like I said, submission is not going to come easy to you and me. So besides praying for your own heart to be positioned correctly in order to submit, you should also be praying for God to position your husband to lead your family the correct way. He won’t always get it right the first time and that’s okay. But as you continue to pray and intercede on his behalf as your head, God will do his part in him.
#3: Respect his final decision
It’s okay to disagree on some things with your husband. You’re not meant to agree on everything. But that’s where the importance of speaking to him with love and wisdom comes in. Knowing how and when to give your input and respecting his final decision whether or not you agree. You have to trust that the decisions he makes are ultimately for the good of your entire family and not just to oppose your opinion. God made him your head for a reason. Trust him.
#4: Do not speak negatively about him
He won’t always get it. I think we’ve established that already. But that does not mean it is okay for you (and me) to speak negatively about him to anyone. Part of showing respect and honor to our husbands, is by respecting his reputation and not minimizing him as a man and the leader of our homes because we just didn’t agree. You have a not so great thought or opinion about your husband? Bring it to God in prayer.
#5: Ask for his opinion
Asking for your husbands opinion does not mean you are not competent enough to make a decision but it demonstrates that his opinion matters and that you respect it. Going grocery shopping? Ask him if he has a budget in mind. Planning on switching jobs or picking up a part time to help out financially? Ask him how he feels about it. I’ve always been an independent soul, but when I married my husband, I had to learn to ask him for his opinion on certain things and that has helped us make decisions with a lot less bitterness in the aftermath because we have considered each others opinion beforehand.
#6: Be intentional about sex
God established sex for marriage. It’s a beautiful thing. And as a submissive wife, we have to learn to be intentional about having this intimacy time with him. Will you always want to? No. But that’s why you have to be intentional about it. Plan out a romantic night for the two of you and connect with him in this way.
You might want to read: 3 Things to be Intentional about in Your Marriage
Submitting to your husband can be such a beautiful thing as long as you do it with the correct posture of heart. It’s never meant to make you feel any less than or voiceless. It’s meant to improve your relationship with your husband and bring you peace and harmony between the both of you.
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord, because the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of the body. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives are to submit to their husbands in everything. Husband, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her to make her holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the word. He did this to present the church to himself in splendor, without spot ow wrinkle or anything like that, but holy and blameless. In the same way, husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies, He who loves his wife loves himself.”Ephesians 5:22-28